Seriously.

I'm reading Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot right now. I don't know if she's gotten everything right so far, but this she got:

"There is an unwillingness to come right out and say 'I'm nuts about this girl; I've got to have her.' In other words, sexual desire is camouflaged in spiritual terms. What one knows is far from platonic-- is, in fact, plainly erotic-- is called a friendship, a relationship, an involvement, and experience.
...
Let's be candid with ourselves before God. Call a spade a spade or even a muddy shovel. If your passions are aroused, say so-- to yourself and to God, not to the object of your passion. Then turn the reins over to God"


Is anyone else tired of Christian singles talking like this? Don't spiritualize human love. God's love is love of the spirit. Human love, between a man and a woman is usually rooted in lust and pheromones. Christian love for your brother/sister does not lead to an all night gal pal about how much you enjoy spending time with a certain boy. Christian love between a brother/sister does not knock you off your feet and make you crave to spend time with a specific boy every moment of the day.

Like she said, call a spade a spade. Admit your yearnings to God. Not to the man you're yearning for. This would only cause either a relationship that is too intimate too fast or pain of separation if he does not return your feelings. Turn it over to God. He will know what to do with it.


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I'm mostly talking to myself here. If you're reading this you've probably already caught on to that because you know me well, but I'm not the only girl who struggles like this. And there's plenty of boys out there doing the same thing. People fall in love with their friends all the time, they're just afraid to admit it.

Frustration

I am so tired of going through the same old struggles. I have been really happy lately, but I have these demons that just keep coming back. I am so frustrated with having to forgive the same people daily, because it's not they way they treat me that I am forgiving, but the way they engage in relationship with me. This isn't any of my friends. It's my father. Our relationship will never be what I want it to be.

God has been using this frustration to show me how much he loves me. And I have been doubly blessed in my mother... it's just difficult, especially when I'm away because I feel like there's nothing I can do about it. But would I be able to do anything if I was at home?

I've been meditating on Matt 11:28-30 "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I think it's a beautiful passage. Christ is the ultimate comforter. Sometimes I crave someone to cuddle with and just tell me everything will be ok. In those moments I try to remember this.

Another Poem

This one is from July. I wrote it on my plane home from the Jamaica trip.

I sacrifice my life this night
my desires, plans and will.
I answer your call, Lord.
Use me as you will.

No sacrifice is easy,
Carry me through the mire,
Change my will to yours,
Make your desires be my desires.

I stop serving my flesh today.
Instead, make it serve you.
I leave behind what I had planned,
and go forward along the path you have made.

I surrender my all.

Wow

God is incredible. All through high school I was very concerned with making people like Christians. I participated in Young Life and went to church, but I haven't been diligent about sharing the gospel with my friends since junior high. Lately, I've been praying a lot for all the friends I've had over the years who aren't Christians, or weren't last I knew. This morning, one of my friends who hadn't even come up in my prayers yet, texted me to ask if God was a major part of my happiness. I was blown away. God is incredible. I'm just barely getting right with God again and he blesses me with this opportunity! I shared with her the following passage:

Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light"

How amazing is that? As a woman who has been a Christian for a long time, I think I forget about how amazing the grace of God is. Take a moment to let that promise sink in. We will learn from Jesus and He will give us rest.

Pray for my friend. She's made a step in asking about God, pray that God continues to pursue her.

And be amazed. Be amazed that God uses us. The Gospel is so powerful that people seek it out if they know a way to find it. Be someone people can ask about Jesus. Be someone who tells about Jesus.