Adjusting to Life

If you haven't noticed, I have not posted much recently. Last summer I was working in an office full time and feeling drained every night. I didn't do anything or see anyone and I didn't feel like I had a life to write about.

And then there was school. This last semester was chaotic to say the least. I took 5 upper division courses. Being at a small school I end up in a lot of the same classes as my friends, we all agreed that it was the hardest semester we've ever had.

I also moved into and apartment with my previous roommate and two more friends. That has been an adjustment. The more difficult adjustment was balancing time between them and my serious boyfriend. Between classes, roommates, and my romantic relationship, I did not have much time left for talking about life and discoveries on my blog.

Which brings us to today. I have been enjoying reading and feeling a part of SarahThe's life and was reminded that I used to enjoy writing about my life and thoughts online. I think it is a good tangible way of seeing the progress that you have made.

So I will be doing that more. I will be aiming to post at least once a week, aiming for Tuesdays. Since life does what it wants to, it will probably vary.

On nearing senior year.

Wow. Next year I'm going to be a senior.

In college.

It's a completely different feeling than being a senior in high school. In a way, it's terrifying.

My freshman year of college I told myself that I was only getting a bachelors, I was tired of school so that was gonna be it. Now, entering my senior year, pretty much everyone is telling me to get a masters. And I want to... just not quite yet. I want to take at least a year off. I don't want to put off my loans, I want to pay off my loans.

But what am I going to do after I graduate? I don't know. Last year, I would say, move back to Phoenix, see if American Valet still wants me and move into a cheap apartment with my best friends. Now? I don't know. I could still go with that plan, but money-wise I might end up back at my parents house. Or, if I could get a job in California I might do that. It'd be really cool if I could get a job related to what I want to do, but I'm not even really sure what that is. Ministry or Anthropology? Which type of each? There are a million options.

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Right now though, I will focus on the now. I can't let myself get swept into that tunnel of thought. There's the rest of this year, figuring out where I'm living next year, job next year. Plenty to do in between now and graduation, but people are starting to ask so I feel like I need to have something to tell them.

I guess it's back to square one, my freshman year of college I put on my myspace something like, "I don't know what I want to do after school, but I know I want to serve the Lord". We'll see where that takes me.

On Living for Christ

Galatians 5:6 "For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision counts for anything, but only faith working through love". It is not what we do or how we appear that matters to God, it is faith. Do everything with faith. Faith that God loves you and sent his son to die for you. Faith that just as he clothes the flowers of the field, so you will be clothed. He is always looking out for your best interests.

further in Galatians, 6:9-10 "and let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith" Such an important part of life that we tend to forget. How often do we criticize our brothers and sisters in Christ when we should be loving them.

Colossians 4:5-6 "Conduct yourselves wisely toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person" This is actually a very evangelical verse, Paul is instructing the Colossians to use their time on earth wisely to reach the "outsiders" or non-Christians. We only have a certain amount of time with people, we need to make the best of it and do all we can to further God's kingdom.

1 Thessalonians 3:12-13 "and may the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all, as we do for you, so that he may establish your hearts blameless in holiness before our God and Father, at the coming of our Lord Jesus with all his saints"

Philosophy

I was reminded of philosophy while reading the Psalms last night.

"The one who states his case first seems right,
until the other comes and examines him"
Psalm 18:17

My philosophy professor likes to give us logically sound arguments for philosophical ideas that are completely anti-Christian. We try to find faults in the argument but fail. What then? Another philosopher finds a fault in the argument and makes a case for the exact opposite.

The same happens with great philosophically based theological arguments.

And so the cycle continues. One man presents his case, another examines him and finds fault.

Let love flow

Let love flow freely
Like a mighty river
Crashing over rocks and trees.

Let love flow freely
Eroding the edges of pain,
Softening the blows of life.

Let love flow freely
Erasing the foul stench
Of stagnant emotion.

Let love flow freely
Washing away the stain of sin,
Purging the dirt from the soul.

Let love flow freely
Let it roll over your fellowmen,
Open the gates and let it in,
Lift the dam and pour it out,
Let love flow freely.

Frustration

I am so tired of going through the same old struggles. I have been really happy lately, but I have these demons that just keep coming back. I am so frustrated with having to forgive the same people daily, because it's not they way they treat me that I am forgiving, but the way they engage in relationship with me. This isn't any of my friends. It's my father. Our relationship will never be what I want it to be.

God has been using this frustration to show me how much he loves me. And I have been doubly blessed in my mother... it's just difficult, especially when I'm away because I feel like there's nothing I can do about it. But would I be able to do anything if I was at home?

I've been meditating on Matt 11:28-30 "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I think it's a beautiful passage. Christ is the ultimate comforter. Sometimes I crave someone to cuddle with and just tell me everything will be ok. In those moments I try to remember this.

Another Poem

This one is from July. I wrote it on my plane home from the Jamaica trip.

I sacrifice my life this night
my desires, plans and will.
I answer your call, Lord.
Use me as you will.

No sacrifice is easy,
Carry me through the mire,
Change my will to yours,
Make your desires be my desires.

I stop serving my flesh today.
Instead, make it serve you.
I leave behind what I had planned,
and go forward along the path you have made.

I surrender my all.

Wow

God is incredible. All through high school I was very concerned with making people like Christians. I participated in Young Life and went to church, but I haven't been diligent about sharing the gospel with my friends since junior high. Lately, I've been praying a lot for all the friends I've had over the years who aren't Christians, or weren't last I knew. This morning, one of my friends who hadn't even come up in my prayers yet, texted me to ask if God was a major part of my happiness. I was blown away. God is incredible. I'm just barely getting right with God again and he blesses me with this opportunity! I shared with her the following passage:

Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light"

How amazing is that? As a woman who has been a Christian for a long time, I think I forget about how amazing the grace of God is. Take a moment to let that promise sink in. We will learn from Jesus and He will give us rest.

Pray for my friend. She's made a step in asking about God, pray that God continues to pursue her.

And be amazed. Be amazed that God uses us. The Gospel is so powerful that people seek it out if they know a way to find it. Be someone people can ask about Jesus. Be someone who tells about Jesus.

Spiritual Gifts

After Jesus died, he rose again and spent some more time with his disciples. When he ascended again to Heaven, he promised the Holy Spirit would come to them. It fell upon them on the Day of Pentecost during a time of prayer. Amazing things happened that day. People were healed, the believers were able to speak in foreign tongues and many were added to their number that day.

The Holy Spirit lives in each of Christ's followers today. I know he lives in me. What I don't know is what he has gifted me with. I've had many thoughts of what it could be over my life. Interpretation of the scriptures, teaching, evangelism, hospitality, encouragement, knowledge. All of these are things I enjoy and can be good at.

I want to know what God is doing in my life. I thought I knew, but now I don't. I need to practice trust. I need to pray and meditate on the scriptures. God wants the place of honor in my life. I don't even know what I've been giving it to. Something much less important than the Lord of all.

Currently Studying: Acts

Praise the Lord for Kind Commuters

So I drove to California today. The drive was mostly uneventful and the roads were clear until about an hour outside of our destination. We hit some traffic but it wasn't bad. Then, about a half hour outside of our destination traffic suddenly stopped. I hit the brakes as hard as I could, but skidded a little at the last second and hit the car in front of me. We got out and decided to move to the right, we had been in the carpool lane. That is an experience I would like to never repeat. Once we got out on the other side, he said he had to call the CHP (california highway patrol). I said ok and we both went to our cars while he called. I don't know what changed his mind, but when Rusty got out to check the damage and started rubbing the scuffs off my car the man changed his mind about calling CHP. He asked who's car it was and when I told him it was mine he said he didn't think we needed to call because there really wasn't any damage.

Rusty and I both said the same thing when we returned to the car, "Praise the Lord". When things like that happen you start to think over the events and how they could have gone and I'm always left amazed by God's grace. For instance, we were in the car pool lane, which meant when traffic stopped, there was no one behind me. Second, people were kind and let us over to the right side of the highway. After we drove off we saw a worse accident just a little ahead of us, probably caused by the same sudden stop, or possible the reason for the sudden stop. I was very thankful that that wasn't us. We were starting to run out of time to reach our destination.

Another praise, we made it on time to the boat dock. Oh yeah, I'm in Long Beach waiting for a boat to go to my friends wedding on Catalina.