On nearing senior year.

Wow. Next year I'm going to be a senior.

In college.

It's a completely different feeling than being a senior in high school. In a way, it's terrifying.

My freshman year of college I told myself that I was only getting a bachelors, I was tired of school so that was gonna be it. Now, entering my senior year, pretty much everyone is telling me to get a masters. And I want to... just not quite yet. I want to take at least a year off. I don't want to put off my loans, I want to pay off my loans.

But what am I going to do after I graduate? I don't know. Last year, I would say, move back to Phoenix, see if American Valet still wants me and move into a cheap apartment with my best friends. Now? I don't know. I could still go with that plan, but money-wise I might end up back at my parents house. Or, if I could get a job in California I might do that. It'd be really cool if I could get a job related to what I want to do, but I'm not even really sure what that is. Ministry or Anthropology? Which type of each? There are a million options.

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Right now though, I will focus on the now. I can't let myself get swept into that tunnel of thought. There's the rest of this year, figuring out where I'm living next year, job next year. Plenty to do in between now and graduation, but people are starting to ask so I feel like I need to have something to tell them.

I guess it's back to square one, my freshman year of college I put on my myspace something like, "I don't know what I want to do after school, but I know I want to serve the Lord". We'll see where that takes me.

Re: Humanity

Habukkuk is a nice little gem in the Bible.

It opens with Habukkuk basically complaining to God and grumbling about the state of humanity. God reassures him that He is working in ways Habukkuk cannot understand. Habukkuk complains some more, God reassures him again and in the end, Habukkuk praises the Lord.

I found this to be a nice reminder that we are not to hid our doubts or anger from God. That is not the way to increase your faith. If you hide your doubts, your faith is not very strong. Strong faith is taking your questions to God and trusting that he will give you answers. Faith is knowing that even when things seem terrible, God is in control and he can handle your "criticism".

I think one of the most incredible lessons that comes out of the new testament is how intensely personal our relationship with God is. We are not expected to blindly worship Him. We are free to wrestle with him as Jacob did and question him as Habukkuk and many others did. God will always come through. There is nothing we can throw at him that he can't handle.

Our God is mighty.